The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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