It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
