All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
