It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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