Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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