I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
