I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
