She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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