Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
