i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
