just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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