This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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