haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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