I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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