Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
