you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
