If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
