Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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