Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
