I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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