Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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