Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
