i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
