the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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