So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
