The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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