Already got asked if we're dating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
