hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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