I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
