i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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