every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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