The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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