I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
