I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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