one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
