if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
