I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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