i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
