Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
