Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
