Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
