Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No subtext here. People are naked.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
