i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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