Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
