I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
