Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
