White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
