well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
