my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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