You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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