Quick, to the slutcave!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
