we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
