shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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