Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
