found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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