a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
