Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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