Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
