either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
