she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
