All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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