I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
