Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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