I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
