Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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