I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize