I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
