Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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