Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Alive.
So much puke
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
