I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
