Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did I show you my penis last night?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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