WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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