Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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