She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
