2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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